Schematics

First batch of notes.

2009-11-08T18:34:13Z

Face the music and blog. Gulp.

Five weeks ago I embarked upon a Creative Writing module, having bypassed the *oh fuck this will emotionally drain me* stage to the *this is a piece of piss* level of calm. Having now submitted my piece, I'm back at *I'm draining, I'm DRAIIINNING* ***

Each week a member of the group submits their piece for group discussion. This Friday it was my turn. I'll say this fast: It did not go well. It went worse than any other person's submission. All of which went very well.

I'll admit, I shed a tear afterwards. In RL, I have't yet told anyone about this, which is a hell of a restraint for my fat gob, so subconciously I must be really upset about this.

Still, no use wallowing in self pity; the point is to achieve a good grade. As well as writing a piece of creative writing (about 2500-3000 words long for prose, although obviously this is only the roughest of guides. The idea is not to bore anyone. Which I did.) you submit an accompanying essay, talking about the piece's creation, inspiration etc. Mine is so far all about the radical rewriting I'm going to have to do.

I had initially thought to include the current draft of the piece every Sunday, but we'll omit the inclusion this week as my baby can't take any more attention in its current state. Next Sunday, rain or shine, a marginally shinier version will exist.
Over the next 6-10 days (a reasonable goal!) I will go through all the notes submitted by the group and the professor. Here's what they've turned up so far:

Fun facts:
Novel's current title: Crackers and Rappers
Piece's current title: Chapter Eight: All Over the Floor
Piece's current word count: 2402

Initial goals:
ONE: More than one person complained that the father and daughter Eddie and Ellie were named too similarly. I quite liked it as a feature. Is it really too confusing? Regardless, as a concedence to public opinion, one name will be changed. Ellie was originally 'Brighde' (unpronouncable) and Eddie was always Eddie (loosely based in my mind on Mr Izzard). What oh what should I call them?

TWO: The opening paragraph of a man with a hangover rushing to the toilet to vomit initially went down well. Then the group started complaining: too depressing; too out of sync with the comedic tone of the rest of the chapter; too short; too long; (and my favourite injry) 'we already know that he has only one sock on, don't tell us he has one off as well'. A pedantry point is ever I heard one. Still, that's going too. But should the whole submission be similar in tone, ie. humurous or serious? Can't I blend? How should I blend?

THREE: The first instance of Brit-picking I have ever encountered in Real Life: is it 'cookies' or 'biscuits' in the UK? Well it's blatantly a bastardization of both, and I preferred the sound of 'cookies' in this instance. But it's gonna become biscuits. And I may scrap it altogether. This is demoralizing.

FOUR: Dashes. Too many dashes. 'What are they for?' one person asked. I studied my piece. Well, they appear in dialogue to indicate a strained pause, I realized. But if that is not immediately apparaent to the reader than what <em>are </em>they for? I don't know.

FIVE: Intentionally, none of the characters are particularly likeable. Though this was not said aloud, it's come up in notes. Especially Ellie: childish, having a tantrum, unreasonable, defensive. Apparently either she or her sister Rebecca have to be likable, as the fued is between them and the reader needs a favourite. Crap. I don't know how to write likeable people.

SIX: And only one--ONE--count it--grammatical error. Wasn't even an error, it was a typo, a full stop got left at the start of speech after a sentence was scrapped. Very different to every other punctuation wasteland that has been submitted so far. But if I say things like that I can't make these posts available to RL people, can I? :)

Final point for today: I'm thinking very seriously if giving RL people, friends, members of the module group, anyone, the LINK to this blog, for comments and advice. Is this even remotely a good idea?

*** Question: do capitals cheapen dialogue? If used sparingly, ie. once per story?

Parents are divorcing--

2009-09-10T16:27:48Z

---or at least I hope.

This is difficult to explain, but briefly this is the situation: My parents have never been entirely happy since I was little and I hope this most recent split will be the one that ends in divorce. When they are apart they are simply happier. Neither have been on proper speaking terms for several years. My mum drinks and my dad has, I believe, sought comfort elsewhere, which I don't blame him for in the slightest. Of course neither one is understanding of why I cover for the other--my dad has now moved out, I don't know where, and my mum has fallen into a sort of slump, where she does nothing except cry and rave about what a cowardly liar my dad is.

I love them both very much and will do what I can to help them, but I have to go back to university this month and am very scared about what will happen in my absence. Adding to this, all their money is tied up in their property, which my mum is refusing to sell, and the property needs a lot of attention before winter sets in or it is in danger of collapse (it dates form the 1860s). No one is doing anything about this.
My name is on nothing and I have no rights to anything except the house I rent near my university, and for this I depended on my parents. I suppose what I'm asking is for some advice, suggestions I can put to my mum or dad, or any action I can take myself. I understand that they both need time to get through the raw period following a definite split but financially they don't have time.

I am behaving sefishly but I do not want to give up my degree.

Following writing that, of course, mum's stumbled in with renewed humility, talking about fixing windows and getting a man friend in to do some electrics. I've gone since Friday night without even a hint of squeaky talk. It's like I've aged ten years. Fed up with shouting and crying, now I'm just ignoring them all.

Quick bit of pleasurable angst

2009-09-04T17:39:09Z

ANGST

The sleepers in that quiet earth.

2009-09-04T17:29:45Z

What the hell, life? I wake up every morning, and 5/7 days there's an argument. Dad clear off to Wickenby for the Wickenby weekend this weekend...tomorrow, I'm guessing. though no one knows. I'm left with Mummy, joy unbound. Watched the ITV Blithering Heights adaptation (and the shockingly edited US transmission--good grief, Masterpiece, are you deranged?? Half an hour of beautiful material, you scrapped, you shocking scrapper, you!! *shakes fist*) I wouldn't mind so much but when taping it off the telly I got polish in my eye and missed ten minutes of moor rambling while I scrubbed it out, so my US version is the only complete one I have. I'm such a sad case, I actually labelled my tape as 'incomplete', and kept it.

Sadder still, in fact, is that I actually leapt and yelled for joy when I realized the DFS advert had been altered to include an apostrophe in 'sale's'.

Gone a bit classics mad, or more precisely, adaptation mad. 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies'; Berdoll's 'Mr Darcy Takes a Wife'; Lost in Austen and the latest Heaffwiff/Caffy romp. Very rompy, that was, I liked it muchly. Quiet down, all you purists. Of course they shagged on the moors on unnaturally dry and accommodating Yorkshire stone, it's blindingly obvious now.

Sidenote: I've always been of the clan who conjecture that Heaffwiff was Earnshaw's illegitimate wotsit, so it was a relief to have the idea scrubbed out of my mind for a whole weekend by teh hawt Yorkshire shex. Not one for incest in fandom pre 1980, I find it a bit too complicated.

Case dad is currently working on has made it to the internet--do not have a CLUE how--so I reckon it is merely the level of intermawebs dependency his client's husband has standing between the client and a ritual killing. We will wait and see.

Woman I know through my EX job is going to be on 'Come Dine With Me' about the 13th September. Apparently she got so drunk she's preparing herself for possible divorce proceedings. Marriage is shit, in conclusion. I do not know one good couple outside of fiction.

Farwell, my bother

2009-08-26T21:09:19Z

I dug up a pedometer from a kitchen drawer, and for the last two days have averaged less than 3000 steps per day. Compared to what I do when I go shopping I imagine I've been sitting on my arse an awful lot lately. WC has promised she'll work out with me every day until the end of September, and I've decided to try jogging around the grounds for half an hour every day, if possible. Then when I'm back at uni I'll get a gym membership. Ta da! How hard can this possibly be? (famous last words, from what I've heard--is it actually that hard to lose weight? Am I being hopelessly naive? All question that will be answered soon, I'm sure.)

I refuse to stop eating. To get me through the stress of the last--and I do mean last--days of the job, an extremely kind and mismatched elderly couple have been baking me desserts for lunch: pear flan, chocolate cake and on the way home tonight I got six apple pancakes with a bottle of toffee sauce, to name my favourites. Always be nice to old people, I've learned in the last few years. They have the most time on their hands.

So the great weight loss mission begins tomorrow. One pain ends, another begins, never rains but it pours etc.

Me, my arse and 'I am a bounty hunter'

2009-08-23T10:18:43Z

Oh god oh god oh god. Beginning to freak out. Departure from the Boss is set for the 27th August. She has no idea. New job has approved my application and sent me instructions--I am completely (and in one area over) qualified for the position apart from- DING DING DING--oh yes! You guessed it! My weight! My arse, ladies and gentlemen, is not welcome in my chosen profession. And it was never an issue with the Boss. Sigh. They suggest diet pills. Not fitness training. Drugs. So I'm starting to freak out a little bit. I will never regret leaving the Boss, this decision has been in the making for years. But the question of where I'm supposed to go from here is yet to be resolved. This next one is just a pitstop. For which I must have liposuction.

Any good ideas for--and I'm ashamed even as I say this--losing weight? Bearing in mind my plans for exercise today involve wandering downstairs at about 1pm to watch the repeat of 'X-factor'

Watched 'The Time Traveler's Wife' and 'Domino' last night. Double ROFL.

Writer's Block: Two Truths and a Lie

2009-08-05T21:36:22Z

Post two truths and a lie about yourself as an answer to Writer's Block. Have people guess which is the lie in the comments.

View 533 Answers

HahAHA! No one will ever, ever get this:

1) I have appeared in a music video for an established but upcoming band, as a moody Camden indie chick holding the legs-end of a fibreglass mannequin.

2) I have, at an estimate, 34 friends who are celebrities or otherwise household names, including a main character from 'Buffy' and a female member of parliament.

3) My family home has three vaults, seven bathrooms, eighteen mile long underground secret tunnels and a dusty wine cellar where I also keep unloved stuffed animals and a small collection of swords.

Dreamwidth Invite Code

2009-07-11T14:18:47Z

I have one--count 'em: one--Dreamwidth invite code for whoever would like it.
First comment, first serve X

Beautiful but MISERABLE picspam.

2009-07-10T16:37:30Z

NOT MINE! It was made by the brilliant explodeyy and can be found here.
Wibble.
*makes coffee*

Teaching myself how to write a killer blogpost ;P

2009-07-09T18:17:35Z

*I'm NOT putting theory into practioce here*
*I'm merely listing*
*THIS is not the optimum blogpost*
*Far -FAR- from it*
*=D*

@ Short, declarative sentences are best.
@ Link like crazy.
@ Write less: in fact, take out words until removing another destroys the meaning of the sentence.
@ Aim for 250 word long posts. (Why?)
@ tell as much of the story as you can in the title. (Sounds like a theory of journalism. Not necessarily good journalism.)
@ Humour.
@ Write like it counts.
@ Paragraphs are your friend.
@ Don't be afraid to break archaic grammaritcal rules. (I'm not sure how to proceed with that one.)
@
Type your cut content
OMG and you can make MONIES via blogging! Ka-ching and huzzah.

And then there are those follow up links I can never bring myself to finish reading. Damn you, Tabbed Browsing!!
http://weblogs.about.com/od/startingablog/tp/FreePhotoSites.htm

http://www.problogger.net/how-to-write-great-blog-content/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2004/apr/08/weblogs.onlinesupplement

Pause to ask myself--what is this Flickr thingamabob? Had three invites already? Good thing/bad thing?
And this is a lovely, lovely site: copyblogger.com! All manner of writing and blogging nummy.

'Alcohol' - Brad Paisley

2009-07-09T15:03:35Z

I can make anybody pretty
I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight
with somebody twice
your size. . .

Well I've been known to cause a few breakups
and I've been known to cause a few births
I can make you new friends
Or get you fired from work.

(Chorus)
And since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg, Bordeaux, France
Been makin the bars
Lots of big money
and helpin white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school
but college now that was a ball
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, Alcohol

I got blamed at your wedding reception
for your best man's embarasing speech
and also for those naked pictures of you at the beach
I've influenced kings and world leaders
I helped Hemingway write like he did
and I`ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you
put that lampshade on your head . .

And since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg, Bordeaux, France
Been makin a fool out of folks
just like you
and helpin white people dance
I am medicine and I am poison
I can help you up or make you fall
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol

And since the day I left Milwaukee,
Lynchburg, Bordeaux, France
Been makin the bars
Lots of big money
(crowd:) and helpin white people dance
Well,I got you in trouble in high school
but college now that was a ball
you had some of the best times
you'll never remember with me
Alcohol, Alcohol

Grr. Arrggh. Bedsheets.

2009-07-09T14:19:20Z

*Boring Post Is Boring*
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have whiplash from my parents. They're in the happy phase of the week. I'm spending all my time in my room or out with the bees.
It's so, so stupid but so SO pretty! I was in the west wing at about 11pm--couldn't sleep, went for a wander--and found heaps and heaps of laundry and soft furnishings which had obviously been dumped one day in the green room and never looked for again. There was dust on some of these baskets.
I found a complete set of Harrods bedsheets: deep gold coloured cotton, red velvet embroidered throws and two HUGE purple and red tasselled cushions. The whole lot still had the tags on. Bloody mother and her bloody shopping.
I wants it.
All of it.
It's BEAUtiful!
I've hidden it all in the green room wardrobe and I plan to take it up to uni when I eventually move into the house. I will probably have to mention it at some point. And there may be a fight. But gold help me--did I mention there were matching curtains?? Floor length drop down drapes with tie backs and cotton corded detail.
I'm having a fagirl moment over curtains!
Itv was at this point I was once again reminded that I have become my mother.

One dead moth.

2009-07-05T18:09:54Z

I've indulged in a bit of lepidoptery this afternoon. For some reason, when I get hold of one of these dead things I get a little tense around the neck--not a huge reaction, just an itsy bitsy awareness that if this thing were alive, I'd probably flinch.

My subject was a bog standard Ghost Swift moth, as far as I can see, which makes sense as I'm in the countryside. Last species in the Hepialus family. It's gorgeous, like it's wearing a fur coat, all fluffy around its throat and wings draped out at the back. Eyes black--closed or dicoloured I'm not really sure.
Must. Get. Life.

Spotlight, Torchwood, Trock and morbidity.

2009-07-05T13:16:32Z

New Torchwood trailer! Nobody bother me for the next five evenings.

This is interesting: you read so much about a fandom from a fan's perspective that the first snippet of realworldly criticism gives you pause. Or at least it did me. The whole trilogy seemed to involve far less Barrowman than I expected but as was mentioned in another article (which I've now lost but was very good) scehduling for these three radio plays was a nightmare. My idea of hell, and I do it regularly.

G, Noir and I have been making a list of all the people our generation will live to see die. We drew the line at people we know, but it's been going since last night and we haven't yet run out of famous losses of the future.. Notable losses include Lee Pace, Hayao Miyazaki, Stephen Fry, Noel Fielding, David Tennant, Russell T. Davies and Patrick Wolf. I feel a little weepy at the thought.

And of course, we spent the whole night arguing about Michael Jackson over a curry, then over Disaronno and fags, then over tequila. G thinks she's a lightweight. In actual fact she's a spoilsport who's unreasonably terrified of her parents.
And of course mine fought like idiots over fish and chips. And dad did one of his walkouts. He's gone to the office today because his remote server won't work. So I'll be lucky to see him before Monday.

In DWM I read an article about Trock, or Time Lord Rock. I think I'm in love with this little Scotsman.

Just want to put a link to Spotlight here.

One last note: I think this is the last year I'll be in the job. It's been a hurtful, destructive road to the end and I think, in the long run, Howell is right. So at some point before October, I'll be following him and handing in my resignation to the Hangman. After that I'll no longer be bound by any contractual secrecy and my truth will be mine do what I will with it. I'll probably keep lying, though. Pathological and paranoid, that's me.

The Great Purge

2009-06-27T23:11:51Z

Nothing remotely harmful to the lining of my stomach--I'm clearing out all the crap from the estate and selling it for rent money for the house in uni-town. No vehement objections so far. Howevre if I need a lift, apparently I have to split my earnings. Am attempting to do most of this selling online. But I'm having trouble deciding where I can sell 200 concrete paving slabs. Any help there greatly appreciated.

Averaged a 2:1 for my first BA year, which is not bad at all considering Term I was the hideous MJ relationship and little else, Term 2 was barely spent without a hangover and I spent most of Term 3 at home, rather than uni itself. Will do MUCH MUCH MUCH better next year. She says.

Another part of the purge has happened in iTunes. Turns out that I have severe emotional links to over forty songs which prevent me from wanting to hear them. This is mainly because I'm a ballistically sensitive little waif, but it actually had be bent double to my laptop today skipping through song after blood song which I didn't want to hear. So I got rid of them. And here's why:

Daydream Believer: HS's favourite song, danced to it countless times when we were together, and I know he is just blase enough to play it at his wedding. Binned.

Everything by Elvis: Again, associations. He wants to pilgrim off to Memphis one day. Shame, I like 'A Little Less Conversation'

Dreaming of You--The Coral: MJ assoiations. 'Our Song'. Uggghhh.

The entire Script album: Bought by dad during the latest divorce scenario and the cause of more than one row that I had to listen to through the ceiling.

All Michael Jackson: It felt too stupidly cliche to listen to him just becuase he's dead. I'm a horrible person, but I can't be doing with all this associative tribute rubbish (she says midway through list which needs theraputic attention)

Running Up That Hill--Placebo: reminds me too much of what Howell has said to me more than once, and how things have turned out for us. It's upsetting and miserable.

Anything by Golden Silvers--just another bloody reminder that I probably won't get to see them at the festival this summer because mummy dearest doesn't want me camping in a field
.
Use Somebody--Kings of Leon (?) was playing on repeat one drunken night with MS. Horribly ironic and makes me feel guilty.

Oh god so many more. TBC .
Also, must try this: http://www.politicalcompass.org/

More Whedon Nummy

2009-06-26T15:43:39Z

Sugarshock Part 2

Moist: Humidity Rising

Serenity: The Other Half

Harmony Bites

Dark Horse Presents: Free Online Comics

Sugarshock Part 3

2009-06-26T15:33:34Z

Sugarshock Part 3
--Joss Whedon and Fabio Moon

Reminder Links: Dr Horrible Prequel comics

2009-06-26T15:25:56Z

Captain Hammer: Be Like Me!
--Zack Whedon and Eric Canete

Writer's Block: All-Nighter

2009-06-25T22:49:06Z

When was the last time you stayed up all night? What were you doing?

View 505 Answers

Oh crikey: Monday. I never get enough sleep. I'm always bloody awake and half-aware. There is not enough time in a day to do everything!!
Monday night I went out with WC and new matey MA in Cathedral City. Pub, pub, bar, club, back to WC's aunt's house in drunken stagger, much moping over WC's lost camera, vague loss of consciousness from 5.15--5.30, then up again to shower, munch and catch 7.15 train home. Still had to sort new house accounts out Tuesday morning, go for lunch and dinner with parents and see 11pm viewing of Terminator, so did not then sleep for more than four hours Tuesday night. Wednesday about seven hours. tonight seven if I'm lucky, than tomorrow I'm out again to cleverly crash a house party, so that'll be an all-nighter. Then again clubbing next Monday. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Put like that, something needs to be done.

Comic reminder links

2009-06-24T22:50:22Z

Sugarshock
--Joss Whedon and Fabio Moon

Comic reminder links

2009-06-24T22:22:39Z

Penny: Keep Your Head Up
--Zack Whedon and Jim Rugg

The only fictional character I identify with.

2009-06-24T13:40:10Z

Buy this DVD! The multi-platforming media broadcasters is where I want to be working when I retire and unless people like J, J, M & Z take off, I'll have to do it with just NN, a blog and a lilac gel pen.
It may not SEEM to be to everybody's taste--but Joss Whedon is a genius, and I swear on all I believe in that you cannot dislike this movie.

Why I Would Fail as a Companion

2009-06-18T10:26:34Z

Why I Would Fail as a Companion. by Schemer featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

Dreamwidth Invite Codes

2009-06-17T21:57:11Z

I have two invite codes, if anyone wants them, First comment, first served. :D

Writer's Block: Set the Scene

2009-06-16T22:26:24Z

Empty parking garages, roadside motels, dark caves, dank basements, overgrown forests—what kind of setting makes you feel nervous?

View 501 Answers

Bodiam Castle is open to the public two or three levels up (discounting the kitchen/well etc. below ground level). Beyond that, the spiral staircases are ruined in one corner and roped off to the public, the only access to the top of the castle (I think, my memory fails me a bit here but it makes sense) being from the opposite corner.
Once I climbed up this ruined portion of the staircase to see how far I could get. It was about 9.30pm and I got about seven feet further up the spiral when I hit an almost solid wall of webbing, though up to that point the stairwell had been comparatively very clean. I pushed past it--it POURED spiders--and hit more fluff and moss to the extent that I stopped there. I cannot stress enough how filthy it was, it had not been touched by more than flora and fauna for decades. At this, the furthest point of my foray, I examined where I was with a torch (no moon and it was October/November time. God it was dark.) There is a lot of little graffitti on the higher levels, in the privy chambers, mostly: 'X loves Y' and 'X was ere '09' etc. Where I was perched, my bum freezing on moss, I saw a very clear 'Church was ere 02' written on the wall--chalk, probably.
Please, if you are 'Church', explain yourself. Finding the sentence on the other side of that wall of aged bugs and fungi did not compute in my head and scared the fucking hell out of me. It was the most chilling experience of what I would call my adult life, and I feel daft. Would much prefer to be scared of carparks or whatever, but no: GRAFFITTI makes me nervous.